grrraaAAAGH.

i'm in a dilemma.

and it's not the first of its kind. it's happened before. though not many times i think. to choose, or not to choose.. actually, more like to choose this, that or.. or.. aah whatever. haha, more specifically, caught between friends and family, which should i choose? depends on the circumstances right. but what if the circumstances doesn't really help much either? this is troulesome. i'm a lover of convenience. though laziness oughta be a better and much more apt word.

by the rule of convenience, i would naturally go with family. much less conflict. much less trouble. but rather unfair to my friends. thus i know i shouldn't choose something out of the convenience of it. so, friends it is. but i've been told that i'm being a pushover this way. and it is also unfair to my family. more so to my mother actually. so what next?

why is it that all i ever consider are these two groups of people? why do i not consider myself? hahaha oh man do i sound like such a selfish prick at this point. but really, what do i think? well i'll tell ya what i think! i think that i go by the "first come first serve" policy. and i do find it tiresome and meaningless to rush by compromising just cos i want to have both.

however! this means that i'll choose to forsake my friends. and that would upset them. which is not good. duh. how can i please both parties? actually i can, but where does that leave me? a mite miserable perhaps. for having to be steered in different directions by others. so how can i please us all?

no idea man. i guess that in order to really think for yourself, you'd have to kinda displease someone. that's thinking FOR yourself ain't it? in a way, it's not right to say that this is selfish of me. because it's natural to be like that. to not get uh, trampled on.

sigh. i still am in a dilemma.