It has been almost 4 years..

And lots has changed. Btw, this is extremely random - a sudden jolt of impulse. What led to it was a mindless addiction to a bejeweled puzzle game till nearly 5am, a mesh of thoughts and nostalgia as i laid in bed, trying to fall asleep and for some reason started to recall what my life and family had been like before moving to this (new - actually not so much anymore) house, and suddenly just feeling a swell of emotions coming up as i thought about my mother.

Then came the idea that maybe i should dig up my old blog (untouched for 4 years) and pen down some thoughts. And of course, that led to another distraction of reading my old posts from when i was 16 going on 17.. i must say i was a pretty good writer!! Hahaha but.. here's just such funny feeling that these old posts somehow felt like almost as if a stranger, a me from another lifetime or universe, wrote them. I can't quite believe that was me who wrote those stuff. i have really changed. And i am so thankful and glad.

No more the deep in her own world kiddo with thoughts like those reflcted in the older posts.

Today, now and forever, i am and will be living my life for God and others. I think i no longer have those swirly whirly thoughts that just spiral and float around in my head. God has changed the way i think. Somehow, my thoughts no longer feel as if they belonged to only me alone; God knows them too and His Holy Spirit who dwells in me change what and how i think now. It's amazing to see the vast difference between the me who wrote the old posts and the me now. God truly transforms us from the inside out and in every area of our lives.

So much has changed in the last 4 years. Come December, it will mark the 5th year since i first came to Heart of God Church. Truly thankful for this place that changed the entire course of my life and destiny, and rescued the me who could never see the future or dream about it, simply because all i used to have were worries and fears.

It was fun reading those old posts.. haha even went through all the trouble of recovering my old hotmail account just so i could access the blog and post something. Heh. Can't believe i'm actually doing this.. what more at 5plus am. Haha o yes, i'm already in year 3 of my university life. i have dreams for the future and for things i want to do for God. I love how much my life has changed. It is truly all because of God.

Haha o yeah, initially just wanted to pen down some memories of my mom.. haha just indulging in a bit of nostalgia here. But in any case just felt it was important to me to remember these things i now find precious in my memory.

I loved it when my mom walked me to kindergarten. I loved holding her hand and the smell of her perfume as i walked. For some odd reason, maybe it was daughter pride or something hahaha, i'd feel proud and important that my mom walked me to kindergarten. I loved those walks. Haha but actually, come to think of it, i think that was a clear moment of a child's pure desire for parental love and care. And it was received. I felt it. I don't even think there were conversations, even if there had been i remember none. I guess quality time was my language of love.

I remember loving it when mom comes home from work. It's so funny recalling how i'd be anticipating her arrival - our old house's kitchen window was nearly facing the lift outside. I'd feel secure when i heard the familiar sound her heels made as she walked out and the almost sixth sense i acquired from just standing by the kitchen window knowing when the lift number would stop at 7 storey and i was sure i'd see her face when the doors opened..